


the way to a bar maid's heart

by cryingaggressively



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mention of Cora, Post-Season/Series 06, The Enchanted Forest, but like, in a fun way, lots of bickering and a healthy appreciation of leather pants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 11:24:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11645571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryingaggressively/pseuds/cryingaggressively
Summary: In which Regina can't get the keys from the bar maid, Killian's pretty sure he can and Emma is weirdly turned on by her husband propositioning people for their cause.





	the way to a bar maid's heart

**Author's Note:**

> Set post season 6, they're in the EF for some reason or other. I imagine a happy scenario, though.  
> This story was born from several facts:  
> \- I enjoy Regina and Killian bickering  
> \- I miss the leather pants  
> \- I abhor the jealousy trope. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to trust that your partner loves you and wouldn't cheat on you. Jealousy isn't sexy. Trust is.  
> Lastly, I have no idea what exactly they need that key for.  
> Hope you enjoy!

They watch while Regina talks to the bar maid and honestly, Emma is not surprised when the woman shakes her head after Regina crosses her arms and stares at her slightly hostilely.

It's too loud to make out what's being said, but the dismissive gesture the bar maid makes is telling enough. Regina visibly huffs and makes her way back to the rest of the group.

"That girl is extremely unreasonable," she tells them, obviously frustrated.

"She's just doing her job. Handing over those keys to a stranger probably won't win her any points with her boss," Emma points out, defensive of the stranger. She's worked enough low-paying retail and waitressing jobs to sympathize. Customers can be a pain in the ass, especially when you've been on your feet for hours and drunk dudes try to look down your shirt. Or dress, in this case.

"Or maybe it was your extraordinarily charming way of asking," Killian remarks.

Emma can see her parents hiding smiles even as her mother childes him, "Killian!".

 

"Oh please. As if you could do any better," Regina scoffs. Emma groans internally. There is no way that her husband is not taking that as a challenge. And yup, there goes the smirk.

"As it happens, I'm very thirsty all of sudden," he tells her and proceeds to unbutton another button of his shirt, so that it's open down to the waistcoat he's wearing.. _What is happening_ , Emma finds the time to think as her husband tugs his wedding ring off with his teeth.

"What, are you going to woo her with your chest hair and steal the keys off of her after she swoons?" Regina asks him sarcastically.

To Emma's surprise, Killian only grins. "Why would you stray from a working method?" he queries and then turns to Emma.

"Mind keeping this safe for me, darling?" he asks of her, handing her his ring. It's a reasonable request. He's not wearing a coat and his tight leather pants don't have pockets. Neither has the dress she's wearing, so she unclasps the necklace with Liam's ring and strings his wedding ring up next to it.

 

She can't help joking, "Only a few months into this marriage and you're already chasing after other women."

His face falls a bit and Emma remembers that even as deputy, he struggles with the reputation he still has with a lot of people, as the thieving, cheating pirate. She winces as he hurriedly tries to tell her, "I would never, Emma. But if you're uncomfortable -"

She interrupts him, "Don't be silly, it was a joke. Sorry."

"For what it's worth, I think it's a solid plan," David jumps in. He turns pink at the looks the remark earns and bright red when Snow laughs and says, "Why, David, now I'm the one who's worried."

Killian grins and jokingly tells him, "I assure you, those feelings are perfectly understandable, Dave."

"I didn't mean it like that!"

Emma laughs at the way he sounds, totally flustered.

 

"Now that we've established that the prince has questionable taste in men, it's time to put your money where your mouth is, pirate," Regina reminds Killian.

"With pleasure," he replies and strolls towards the bar, where their person of interested is currently collecting empty cups on her tray.

Emma can't quite believe how indifferent she is about the fact that her husband is basically soliciting someone for a goddamn key. Then again, she thinks as he nonchalantly leans against the counter while hiding his hook, it's hard to be jealous when she knows that the only reasonable explanation for Killian cheating on her would be dark magic.

She is momentarily distracted by the way his pants hug his ass as he leans towards the woman and almost misses the way the bar maid distractedly sets down her tray.

The sideways view they've got of the two of them allows her to catch the smile on Killian's face. To her surprise, it's not a leer or even a smirk, just a friendly looking smile.

The woman goes from weary to carefully interested, reciprocating his smile shyly.

 

Emma feels pretty guilty. By everything she's seen of the brunette, she's a tough, no-nonsense kind of person; during the time they've been here, she's been coyly rejecting the advances of the patrons in a way Emma is sure only serves the purpose of still earning tips.  

She seems clever and like the kind of person Emma would get along with and entirely undeserving of being robbed by a charming stranger. Hopefully they can get the key back to her without anyone noticing it was gone.

Killian says something to her, prompting her to grin and subconsciously grab at the elaborate braid over her shoulder, twirling the end around her finger. He leans forward a bit more, bringing their faces a bit closer together and keeping his eyes on hers intently.

Emma approves. With the corsets all the women here wear it's unlikely men's eyes ever leave their boobs. Honestly, she can't even fault them. Her own boobs look awesome in what she's wearing, despite the way the torture device is digging into her spleen.

 

Additionally, her husband just has really pretty eyes.  This is _so_ going to work for him.

And it does. Killian's eyes stay on the woman's face, but her own wander down and up again, eventually stopping on the skin his open shirt exposes.

Next to Emma, Regina scoffs, "Oh come on, don't tell me that undoing that button actually has a strategic advantage."

Well. As lecherous as it sounds, Emma herself really enjoys the unbuttoned shirts. But that's probably because they always remind her of the way his chest feels against hers, the hair brushing up against the sensitive skin of her breasts; the noises he makes as she nips and kisses at his neck and inevitably, the open-mouthed kisses that raise goose bumps on her skin, his tongue sliding against hers as he cups her jaw.

Emma doesn't tell Regina all of that, of course. Instead she teases, "Now, don't be bitter. If she swung that way, I'm sure _your_ cleavage would have done just as well."

Regina cracks a tired smile at that.

 

Over at the bar, the woman is now whispering something in Killian's ear, his hand on her shoulder.

When she pulls back, he replies with what must be a rejection, apologetic half-smile in place and shrugging his shoulders slightly. The bar maid looks disappointed, but nods understandingly, throwing him a final smile as she picks the tray back up and resumes her work.

Killian comes back over and Regina can't hide her glee. "Looks like putting yourself on display got us nothing, Captain."

One of his eyebrows lifts up, as does his hook,  a key ring dangling from it. "Only if your definition of nothing is 'everything we need, without unnecessary drama'."

Emma is unreasonably turned on right now.

 

"Good job!" her mother whoops. Her father nods approvingly and Regina stares at him, apparently unable to process what is happening.

"Let's get to work quickly then, we'll need to return the key without anyone noticing it's missing. Poor Claudia doesn't deserve that headache," Killian says.

Her parents agree and move, but Regina is stone-still. "I can't believe that worked!"

Killian smirks at her, pulling the keys of his hook and swirling them around, index finger in the key ring. "You know, your own mother once said to me 'your pretty face buys you a lot'."

"Oh, she did _not_ ," Regina argues hotly.

"Yes, she did."

"He's not lying," Emma tells her, barely able to hide her grin.

"That _does_ seem like something Cora would say," David throws in. Snow, understandably, remains silent at the subject of Cora.

 

"That girl being distracted by you doesn't prove your irresistible charm, just her own stupidity," Regina claims, rolling her eyes.

Emma can't resist. "Hey now, don't insult Claudia because you can't handle the truth." She wiggles her eyebrows at her husband.

"Please don't," David says tiredly.

Snow tries to smooth things over. "Let's just get moving, guys."

"Alright. Doesn't change the fact that I was right, though," Killian tells her, still grinning.

Regina just groans, "You're going to be unbearable about this for years, aren't you?", as they make their way to the backroom they needed the key for.

The bickering doesn't stop until they part ways, back in Storybrooke.


End file.
